World's Tallest Water Slide Isn't Ready to Open Due to Safety Issues: Shocker

Story

So we are all in agreement that the people "lucky" enough to test this thing out totally went airborne and got seriously injured or probably died right? I mean who really thought flying straight down a thousand foot slide at 200 mph in a raft with no safety straps was really a good idea? I'm all in for a little adrenaline, but this thing might be a little much. Back in my heyday there wasn't a roller coaster or water slide that I didn't want to try, but I am getting old man. Death is a real thing now and when I think about this second little bump sending me to the moon I think I'll have to pass.  So if and when this thing ever does open it is safe to say that I'll leave this death trap to the crazies.

-PC

P.S. Hey Schlitterbahn, how about getting a little grass growing? Your park looks like it is in the middle of KCK.... oh wait.