Even Obama is Making Fun of the Royals

President Obama has a new White House Spokesman, Josh Earnest. Earnest hails from Kansas City and was introduced personally today by the President. I'm sure the Pres said a lot of political mumbo jumbo that no one really understands nor cares about, but in classic Obama faction he had to get a little zinger in there.

 

Lindsay Wise‏@lindsaywise

"I think he still roots for the Royals." Obama jokes about new press secretary from Kansas City, Josh Earnest. @kcstar

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1:00 PM - 30 May 2014

HAHAHA. Hilarious Obama. The Royals have been the worst franchise in sports for the last billion years, let's make fun of the idiots that still root for them like the putz's they are. Don't think I will forget this Barack. You are two years away from being irrelevant and I am just getting started. PC 2028. Better believe that when I am POTUS the white sox one-liners will be coming out in full force. 

-PC

Royals Change Hitting Coaches and it Totally Works

Let me introduce you all to the man above...check that the genius above, Dale Sveum. Dale is the hitting Jesus that has come down from the heavens to save the Royals season. Fresh off a four game losing streak and a sweep at the hands of the lowly astros the Royals felt they needed to shake things up a bit and did they ever! Most fans out there were probably thinking that they might bring in a new guy as hitting coach with a new philosophy to shake things up a bit or maybe even a change at head coach. No no no the Royals had much bigger plans in mind. The front office and Ned Yost decided that is was time to bring out the secret weapon that is Dale Sveum. Good ole Dale has been waiting in the shadows as the third base coach and has secretly had all the answers to the hitting problems all along. Ned Yost and the front office didn't want the mastermind working his magic until we were well into the season and 4 games under .500 because they didn't want division foes like the Tigers figuring us out too early. Now we have 2/3's of the season to just absolutely destroy American League pitching. I almost feel bad for Toronto having to face this new high powered office right off the bat. Thought they were getting a team that scored 5 runs in a series against the astros. NOPE! 8 runs in game one right in your face. God damn the playoffs are going to be so much fun this year! Thank you Royals! And thank you Dale!

-PC

P.S. How about the Royals just making up a coaching position for former hitting coach Pedro Grifol. "Hey lets not fire Pedro. Let's just make up a new position for him. Call him catching instructor." This team is so fucking pathetic I can't stand it.

World's Tallest Water Slide Isn't Ready to Open Due to Safety Issues: Shocker

Story

So we are all in agreement that the people "lucky" enough to test this thing out totally went airborne and got seriously injured or probably died right? I mean who really thought flying straight down a thousand foot slide at 200 mph in a raft with no safety straps was really a good idea? I'm all in for a little adrenaline, but this thing might be a little much. Back in my heyday there wasn't a roller coaster or water slide that I didn't want to try, but I am getting old man. Death is a real thing now and when I think about this second little bump sending me to the moon I think I'll have to pass.  So if and when this thing ever does open it is safe to say that I'll leave this death trap to the crazies.

-PC

P.S. Hey Schlitterbahn, how about getting a little grass growing? Your park looks like it is in the middle of KCK.... oh wait.

May 21st PC Officially Gives Up On The Royals

Now if you are counting at home this is the 3rd time I have "Officially given up on the royals this season" but those first two were clearly fake give ups. I have a tendency to fake give up on a lot of things. Royals, Chiefs, the girl in college who I hooked up with once because I was really drunk and she was kind of ugly but did some cool things in the bedroom, and junk food. But this give up is FOR REAL. There is no pulling me back in this time Royals. I am done. We are sitting at 22-23, in 4th place, and blowing 5-0 leads in the 1st. I think it is time for us all to come to the realization that this team isn't making the post season this year and probably never will again. You'll probably say "Dude PC never make the playoffs again ever? That's a bit ridiculous bro. I mean they have to make it sometime." Do they? Do they? DO THEY? Because the last time I checked I have been on this planet for 23 years and never seen a little KC in the scorebox that reads ALDS. And Honestly are we any better off than we were 8 years ago when we hired Dayton Moore? Yeah we are not losing 100 games automatically every season, but shit this team still hasn't ever threatened to make the post season. They keep telling us to wait and wait and these guys will come around, but i've been waiting and I ain't seen shit. This team is still a fucking joke.

You might ask yourself why I decided today would be the day that I officially gave up on the Royals as they have been hovering around .500 all season. Well yesterday I happened to be driving to lunch when I heard a little quote from our faithful manager Ned Yost. He was asked about how he thought we could compete for the playoffs when were a then 5-14 against the central (now 5-15). Over the years Ned has giving hundreds of answers that I found extremely idiotic and ill-advised, but yesterday Edgar flat out infuriated me. Yost said something along the lines of  "Well yeah but you have to realize that most of those loses are to the Tigers." (0-5 vs the Tigs) WHAT?! What the fuck are you talking about Ned? OH the Tigers are sooooo good how in the world could us Royals compete with that? They have Miggy and Verlander. Its just too much for the Royals.

All this time Ned and the front office have been talking about contending for a central championship. You know what you have to do to win the central championship? You have to beat everyone in the fucking central. That includes the fucking Tigers Ned. "Most of those are against the Tigs" (snarky Edgar voice) Give me a fucking break. I'm done with this team forever.

-PC

P.S. Yes I am going out to the K tonight.

Oh What Could Have Been

Last night's 1st round was the first and only time I have been absolutely devastated by the draft. Going into it I had zero hope that the Chiefs would actually land Johnny Manziel. The Chiefs are sitting at pick 23 with no second round pick. So obviously they are not going to be trading up to get Manziel when you already have a decent starter in Alex Smith and there is no way the great Johnny football is dropping to 23 right? But as the draft moves along team after team pass on the guy and all of a sudden we are at pick 16 from the cowboys. Jerry Jones picking someone like Manziel makes too much sense. There is no way Jerry is going to pass on having ESPN talk about his team 24/7 365 open on Sundays. Wrong. They take some OT  from Notre Dame that no one gives a shit about. The anti-Jerry Jones pick. Probably a smart move, but shocking non the less.

After the Cowboys there was no team that really needed a qb between the Chiefs pick at 23 and for the first time I was getting legitimately excited. Ravens take a linebacker, Jets nap a safety, Dolphins go tackle, Saints with a wide out, Pack feeling a safety. Holy Shit this is happening. We are a pick away and he is still out there. All that stands between us and Johnny Football is an Eagles wide receiver pick. They don't need a qb. Manziel is going to be a Chief!! Commercial Break...

"They are going to come back and the Browns are going to have traded up to get Manziel. Just watch it." -PC during commercial break

Back from commercial break... The Philadelphia Eagles have traded the 22nd pick to the Cleveland Browns. My heart sunk. The dream was over. Manziel is going to be a Brown. Seconds later Roger Goodell gave me the bad new I already knew was coming.

Dagger straight to the heart. I didn't even care who the Chiefs drafted at this point. No one could make up for the disappointment I had just suffered. Not everyday Cleveland gets the best of you and let me tell you it does not feel good.

Cleveland is probably the only city that has suffered more in sports than KC so in a way I am kind of happy that they got the certifiable stud that is Johnny Manziel. Still doesn't make up for the fact that I was like a 7th grade chick that just got dumped by her 8th grade boyfriend the rest of the night. Down in the dumps city and Dee Ford didn't help. All the Dee Ford pick tells me is that this is Hali's last year in KC.  They guy might be a fucking stud and I really don't even care. So close to Manziel yet so far away. So Chiefs it hurts.

-PC

Hawks get Florida in Big 12/SEC Challenge.

Payback time. The Big 12/SEC Challenge for 2014 has been announced and I am looking forward to a nice little revenge game in Allen Fieldhouse December 5th. Both KU and UF are going to be loaded next year and Allen is going to be pumping the turbulence. This will easily be the biggest home game of the year besides the Texas game. Might have to sneak into the student section for this one and experience it like you're suppose to.

Other games include Texas at Kentucky, Missouri at Oklahoma, and K-state at Tennessee. The rest of the games will suck. Can't wait for that TCU at Ole Miss barn burner. It is a shame the SEC really suck at basketball.

-PC

KC Destroys America's top 35 Best Ribs List and PC's Top 5 KC BBQ Joints

The Daily Meal came out with a list of America's 35 best ribs and guess who completely destroyed the list? Yes once again KC takes the top spot in everything BBQ. 4 of the top 10, 3 of the top 4 and 1 and 2 respectfully all from KC. I seriously have never seen a list of best bbq places that doesn't have a KC joint in the top spot. We simply make the best ever and will never be touched by another city ever again. And this list is for ribs. Ribs ain't even our thing. KC bbq is the best because we bbq EVERYTHING. Turkey, Ham, Pork, Brisket, Chicken, Sausage, and then we just go around inventing things like burnt ends. KC doesn't even care about ribs and we just manhandled that list and every phony bbq city that prides themselves on ribs. Looking at you Memphis and St. Louis (mega bbq phony).

I think this is the first time I have ever brought up the fact that KC bbq is the greatest food there is and there ever will be so I have decided to give my list of the top  5 KC bbq joints and the reasons why I think they are the best.

*I should let you all know that I am a huge bbq turkey sandy guy so that is what I have eaten at all of these places and what I based my rankings off of.

1.) Oklahoma Joe's. 

Z-man. Did you read that * before the rankings? You did didn't you? Said I liked bbq turkey sandys and right of the bat I'm saying Okie Joes is #1 because of the Z-man. "How you going to do that PC? Doesn't even make sense. The Z-man isn't a turkey sandy." I don't give a fuck. The Z-man is the best sandwich anyone has ever eaten and trumps any turkey sandy ever made. Beef Brisket, provolone cheese, two rings, and a mounting of bbq sauce. Find something better I dare you.

You have to realize that when people are standing in line at a fucking gas station for over an hour that the food at this joint has to be incredible.

2.) Gates

Gates gets number two on my list for one reason and one reason only. The sauce. So much flavor and just the right amount of spice. Of course the meat is no slouch itself and nothing beats a sassy black woman yelling at you to order. Know what you want going in or there is going to be some very pissed off cashiers and customers that will beat you down with funny black humor that I don't even understand.

3.) Rosedale BBQ

Woah?!?! Little bit of a shocker right? Half you idiots in KC probably don't even know this place exists, but this place is what a BBQ joint is all about. Wooden booths, crappy tables, and napkins for days. But the real treat at Rosedale is the incredibly thick chucks of meat they throw on your hoagie bun before soaking it with full flavored sauce. Who said bbq had to be sliced thin? Get to Rosedale and let you mouth have an orgasm and tell me that again. Sneaky number three, but well deserved. Probably the only nice thing in KCK. 

4.) Jack Stack 

Tried to hate Jack Stack for as long as a could and ultimately that is why it isn't higher on my list. Jack Stack is not real bbq. It is a fancy schmancy country club plaza stuck up snob joint. It's bbq for all the rich folks that think they are too good to eat in a gas station or go downtown and socialize with urbans. BBQ is supposed to be served by a sweaty black man named Clarence who has been smoking bbq for 50 years and hasn't taken a shower in a week not some 21 year old blonde babehammer named Courtney.  BBQ is supposed to be a dirty somewhat gross yet delicious experience not a sit down wine and dine uppity dinner. 

Having said that, I hate to admit it but Jack Stack is fucking great. I'm not a rib guy but the pork ribs at stacks are to die for. I actually disagree with the originally list that said OK Joes had the best ribs in the world because it is Jack Stack. I know I am a turkey guy, but even I have to go ribs here. Still hate everything it stands for, but even I can admit it's damn good. 

5.) LC's BBQ

Rounding out my top five is LC's. Southeast of downtown in a somewhat less than desirable part of town lies LC's Another hole in the wall rundown bbq joint that I love. Tons of meat, excellent spicy sauce and a great hometown feel. LCs is fifth on my list and is still better than any joint outside on KC. We have a noose around the neck of the bbq game and its only getting tighter. Others can try to imitate but nothing is ever as good as the original. We may suck at a lot of things, but no one messes with KC BBQ.

-PC

P.S. You will notice Arthur Bryant's is not on my list. Arthur Bryant's is not on my list because Arthur Bryant's sucks. I hate it and I will never go back. Terrible meat and even worse sauce. So spicy I feel like I am eating Mexican. GTFO Arthur. Belong in St. Louis with the rest of the phonies. 

Nastia Liukin Has Been Hiding Something...

Nastia Liukin ‏@NastiaLiukin  6m

#GirlsNight @HeyCaityMae @LenayDunn @ClareGalterio @HeyCaityMae @aq_mag pic.twitter.com/hgtGNphCkG

Woah!?!?! Where have those huge awesome looking funbags been my entire life? Nastia finally letting the puppies breath and my jaw is on the floor. Been a big fan of Nastia since the '08 games and I had no idea these things existed. I was a young 18 year old boy and she was the 20 year old smoke I wanted everything to do with. Might have sent her some fan mail.. Maybe? I don't know. Anyway it looks like hanging with her and that fivehead for all these years is finally paying off because we have come a long way since this..

-PC

Royals Streak Continues

Royals are 14-0 when scoring 4 or more runs. 0-13 when scoring less than 4 runs. First off, I don't know how the hell this team is over .500. Just a horrible team offensively. A month into the season and our 3 and 4 hitters are both without a home run. Yeah the gruesome twosome of Eric Hosmer and Billy Butler are homerless.  The team only has 10 homers total and four of which are coming from Moose who is hitting a whooping .149. This team is a joke and I hate the fact that I love them. I did give up on them last week and I am sticking with that give up. Huge series with the tigs this weekend that may make me rethink my give up, but for now I am still all in on the give up. Anyway what a dumb stat. 0-13 when scoring less than 4? Score 4 fucking runs then and win the god damn game. Or how about winning a pitching dual. Didn't we win like a thousand one run games last year? Get it in gear Ned and make me eat my shorts for giving up too early for the second time this season.

-PC

Best Ad of All Time?

Just flipping through a couple youtube videos minding my own business wasting time and this sensational advertisement comes on before I get to enjoy my WWE top 10 royal rumble returns video. Absolutely incredible.

Just right out of the gun. "Hey there you sexually deprived Suck Baaaags." Guy instantly gained my attention. "Are you struggling with the ladies? I bet you are you fat slob?" How the fuck did he know? Its like he knew someone watching WWE videos at 11 in the morning was kind of a piece of garbage. So at this time I had the option to skip the ad and move onto my video. Yeah right this beef castle has my full attention and I'm buying what he's selling. 

This guys name is the one man thrill ride and he wants us to understand that ever no means you are on step closer to you next "YEEEP!!" Its been awhile since my last yep so I could use all the help I can get. Thrill ride tells me all you need to get your next yep is the T-shirt that makes the man. That's right the one man thrill ride t-shift is an instant panty dropper. You just have to put on this shirt and chicks will instantly lose their minds just thinking about the one man thrill ride himself. Oh yeah is has nothing to do with you because you are a scrawny 160 lb sunken chest sexually deprived SUCK BAG, but its all about Jimmy Preston and his chiseled STEEL and SEEEEX appeal. When she sees that shirt she is going to want to be "ravished like a locomotive." Needless to say, but I bought three of these babies and can't wait to send babes to the ozone with a single pound. 

Next we come to the highlight of the video. The one man thrill ride kind of snuck this one in towards the end, but for anyone who stuck it out they were not disappointed.  "If you my friend experience an erection lasting longer than four hours than PAT yourself on the back. You have officially achieved mac status! YES that is double bonus points!" So many questions. What is mac status? Who is giving out bonus points? And what are they used for? Why would you want to be hard for over four hours? I guess I am clearly not ready to achieve mac status. Getting this t shirt might not have been the best idea. 

SEE YA DINKS!

-PC

P.S. After being called a sexually deprived suck bag by and advertisement I went for a run for the first time in like 8 years. It just took the one man thrill ride to call me a fat slob before I realized I have become a fat slob.