Myles Turner Commits to Texas; This Kid Could Not Give a Fuck

Not the greatest pic but this bro had his head phones in and his eyes glued to his phone the entire press conference. I would have got a vine of it, but my DVR isn't working so I had to act fast. This guy just doesn't even give a fuck about his fellow classmate being a top recruit and about make the most important decision of his life up to this point. "Hey man don't you think you should pay attention?"  "Nah man Fuck this assembly, I'm going to do me and listen to Lil Wayne and play angry birds. Besides it should be me out there." To be fair there were about 4 of these bros just not giving a fuck listening to their beats right behind turner. I just couldn't get a pic of all of them. All I have to say is next time show a little respect. Your jams and texting your girlfriend can wait 10 minutes pal. Act like you've been there before.

As for Turner... First off, solid bucket hat. Gotta respect anyone that commits with a bucket hat. But Texas? You do know Rick Barnes is still their coach right? 11 straight for my hawks just got a little bit harder. Could have used you pal.

-PC

Is There A Worse Spokesman For Your Product Than The Pawn Stars Guy?

Just saw this commercial on the TV

I instantly went online and bought thirty Gillette Fusions. I fucking hate this guy. Just a complete sleezeball that is now a multimillionaire because he ripped a ton of people off and put it on tv. How is this show still on? Do Americans really like fat people fucking over other fat people? I guess that was a pretty stupid question. Of course Americans like fat people fucking over other fat people. Americans just love watching fat people on tv because they feel like if that fat person can do it why can't they. Fucking fat people. Whatever. Fuck this guy. Never going to buy this one razor crap solely out of spite.

-PC

WWE Smackdown Recap

As you all know my roommates and I are huge WWE fans and last night Smackdown was in downtown KC at the Sprint Center. So a couple buddies and I made the short drive down there to experience the mayhem. It was actually WWE Main Event and WWE Smackdown. Two shows for the price of one baby. Classic move my McMahon giving back to the Universe. Guys a legend. Here is my recap.

We arrive downtown about 30 minutes before the show and park in a garage close to the arena. House a couple car bud lights because that is what Americans do before WWE events and noticed that almost all the fans walking by us are kids with their parents. I thought we were for sure going to be the oldest guys there without kids, but then in true WWE Universe fashion the old guys start walking by us dressed to kill. A lot of Wyatt family outfits sported by grown men. They looked so ridiculous I had to respect it. I didn't realize people actually liked the Wyatt family until last night. Huge cult fallowing and it really kind of scared me.

So next we enter the Sprint Center and instantly get a seat upgrade to the side the camera faces. Again, Vince just taking care of his people. Had nothing to do with the fact that no one was there and they didn't want people watching on TV to see all the empty seats. No way Vince is just the best, in your face. So we are 16 rows up a little to the left of the ring sucking down some tall Budweisers. The first match was between Santino and Brodus Clay.  Two absolutely dreadful WWE superstars that no one gives a shit about besides that for some reason Santino has teamed up with this Aussie smokeshow Diva Emma.

She was out there doing he little dance and showing off her phenomenal heinie cheering for the idiot Santino. I could not get enough of it even though I asked her out for lunch Monday on twitter and never heard anything back. Kind of a kick to the nuts, but ill bounce back. Pretty obvious that she regrets not taking me up on my offer from this tweet she had today.

 

EMMAVerified account‏@EmmaWWE

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take. Accept no ones definition of your life, define your own #EMMAcrats! #EMMAlution #WWE

Sorry Emma, but you had your chance. The show rolled on and was pretty uneventful. Had a lot of the guys getting love right now like Swagger, Cesaro, Sheamus, and the Usos. RVD even made a fat appearance. Guys all fat and doesn't even care. Not really a frog splash anymore, more of a Frog Cannonball am I right? All those guys had pretty standard boring matches. I was about five 20 oz beers in so I didn't really care. I was still having a great time yelling my ass off and schooling some youngsters behind me with the depressing amount of wrestling knowledge I have.

About halfway through Smackdown Daniel Bryan came out to let everyone know that if you mess with his wife you mess with him in reference to Kane attacking his wife Monday on Raw. His entrance sparked a nice little "Yes! Yes! Yes!" chant that I thoroughly enjoyed, but ended with no sign of his smoking hot wife or a Kane interruption. I was really hoping for a free preview of Daniel Bryan vs the Devil's favorite Demon but it looks like we will just have to wait for Extreme Rules on Sunday. By the way has there ever been a less anticipated pay per view? Seriously? Extreme Rules is going to suck. I mean I am going to watch it, but the thing is going to suck.

Finally towards the end of the show we got an entertaining match. A fatal four way for the United States Championship. Dean Ambrose (belt holder), Alberto Del Rio, Ryback, & Curtis Axel all squared off in from what I remember was an awesome match. Tons of sweet chin music-esque kicks to the face and Ryback body slams. Four superstarts gutting it out for over 20 minutes for a chance at the prestiougus US Championship. In the end Ryback took out his tag team partner Axel with a meat cleaver clothes line that was meant for Del Rio. Del Rio then did something that took both Ryback and himself out of the ring (don't recall what it was because I was drunk). This move allowed Ambrose to run in and steal the match. The place went nuts and for the first time ever I think I became a fan of the shield.

After the fatal four way the wyatt family came out for like the 10th time of the night and attacked Ambrose. The rest of the Shield came to his rescue and out of nowhere a referee starts a 6 man tag team match. The match was nuts. Bodies flying all over the place and finisher after finisher. Roman Reigns of the shield ended up punching the living daylights out of every member of the Wyatt family and they won the match. Extremely intense stuff to close it out. Even got a tomahawk chop going as some Chief players were shown up on the big screen.

In the end the show wasn't that great. I had an awesome time because I was just yelling my ass off and had consumed quite a bit of booze, but the show still was pretty mediocre. No stone cold, no cm punk, not even a John Cena sighting. I guess you have to expect that the show before a PPV, but I could have used some sort of surprise. Oh well. Still won't stop me from being at Monday night RAW October 20th in KC. Yeah that's right. They announced Raw will be returning to the Sprint Center in October.

-PC

Royals Drop 3 out of 4 to the Tribe; Fall to 10-11

Well the Royals played yesterday morning and lost. Oh you didn't know? Yeah the game started at 11 am and wasn't on TV. Classic Royals. Worst TV contract in the league and its not even close. Doesn't pay anything and a ton of games aren't even televised.  I don't think other cities realize that us schmucks in KC can't even watch all of our baseball games on TV. In fact this is the first season that we've had 140 games on TV. Sounds like a lot, but what the fuck am I suppose to do the other 22 games? Listen to the radio like some loser? You would think that by living in KC my entire life I would be used to this disappointment, but no it still pisses me off. 

Anyway the Royals lost 3 out of 4 to the Indians and are now 10-11. I think it is time for me to officially give up on the Royals for 2014. I fake gave up when they got swept by the twins earlier in the season, but in typical Royals fashion they go on this 5 game winning streak and pull me right back in. Well now I think its really over. I fully expect them to drop 2 out of 3 in Baltimore and probably never see .500 the rest of the season. God I hate being a Royals fan. 

-PC

Chiefs GM John Dorsey "Gives Out" His Phone Number For Chiefs Fans To Call

So apparently this commercial came on during the NCAA Tournament this year promoting the Chiefs upcoming draft. As you can see the commercial is trying to bait you into calling the phone number at the end. I am guessing not very many people decided to actually call the number as this thing aired a couple weeks ago and it is just now making Kansas City headlines (Making Burban Sports). So when you call the number no one picks up and you get this voicemail message from Chiefs GM John Dorsey: 

"Hi, it's John Dorsey. Sorry I can't take your call right now. Thanks for the phone call and thanks for being part of the Chiefs Kingdom. I'd love to hear from you so leave a message at the beep."

Word on Twitter is that the big man actually did call some of the fans back and thanked them for their input. Pretty lame gimmick by the chiefies but whatever. You can text this thing as well and you get basically the same automated response. Some jokesters around town decided to make a mockery of the whole thing... This one hurts... 

-PC

Great Bend Man Worried "Murder" Tattoo Might Not Go Over Well With Jury in His Murder Trial

The Associated Press

A Kansas man charged with first-degree murder is afraid the tattooed mirror-image letters spelling out the word "murder" across his neck might prejudice a jury, so he is asking for a professional tattoo artist to remove or cover it up.

Prosecutors say they aren't opposed to Jeffrey Chapman covering his tattoo, but Barton County's sheriff says he's against transporting Chapman to a licensed tattoo facility — the only places tattoo artists are allowed to practice under Kansas law.

The Great Bend Tribune reports Chapman's trial is scheduled to start Monday in the November 2011 killing of Damon Galliart, whose body was found by hunters in a roadside ditch southwest of Great Bend.

Chapman's attorney says in a motion the tattoo would be extremely prejudicial if seen by a jury.

So this idiot is worried that the jury might think he committed murder because of his "MURDER" tattoo across his neck? Pretty smart guy on this one. Not an expert whatsoever in the murder scene, but I think its a pretty solid rule of thumb that you only get a "MURDER" tattoo if you have actually murdered someone. So this guy clearly did it right? So do you blame him for trying to get out of it anyway he can? I don't want to spend the rest of my life in prison and neither does this guy. I also don't go around killing people in rural Kansas, but to each his own. Also this bro might want to think about turning that teardrop tat into a cool looking star or something. Pretty sure the jury might not like that one as well..

-PC 

Gotta Respect this Indians Fan's Shirt Game

Listen I hate the Indians just as much as any Royals fan, but I have to respect the shirt game by this bro. Screams I don't know what you do in your city, but here in Cleveland we pound Natty Light all day everyday. Would kill do have one of these with that state of Kansas on it. The best part is that he is just rocking it at all ball game. Could care less about the tribe losing to the Royals. He came for one reason and one reason only, Beer.

-PC

Grandview Douche Charged In Highway Shootings

Story

So the police finally caught this douche that has just been driving around the Grandview Triangle shooting people from his car. Guy has been freaking people out for over a month. I even took a different route to the K last week just to avoid the triangle in the off chance this maniac was out trying to kill people. Guy legitimately had an entire city on edge and after reading this story I know he is a fucking idiot. He was doing all this shit in a green dodge neon with ILLINOIS plates. What a fucking moron. Drive around KC and what plates do you see 99% of the time? Kansas and Missouri. Illinois sticks out like a fucking sore thumb. If you're going to go on a shooting spree like this at least try and blend in with the crowd. Guy wanted to get caught and I hope he rots in prison for a long time. Just thankful this idiot didn't kill anyone. 

-PC

Frank Haith Jets for Tulsa

Frank Haith has agreed in principle to replace Danny Manning as the next Tulsa head basketball coach. Really stepping up in the world aren't ya Frankie? Leaving the forever cursed Missouri tigers to ride a Jayhawks coattails. This has got to be pretty much every Missouri guy's dream right? Constant comparisons to their neighbors, but never be able to live up to them.  Deep down in every Tiger there is a longing to be a Jayhawk. It's really sad kind of.

On a serious note I think this is actually a good move for the Tigers. Haith was a bad coach. Had a ton of talent and still couldn't make the big dance. Guy's only accomplishment was backing into a big 12 tourney championship. I don't know who they are going to get, but you have to assume it will be someone that can actually get talented players to get up for big games.

-PC

P.S. I guess he quit via text message. No respect. No Missouri it hurts.

If You Hit a Homer Against the Astros, Did it Really Happen?

Last night Mike Moustakas hit a game winning home run in the 11th inning to beat the Astros. The homer was the first of the season for Moose and finally bumped his average above .100. I was saying to myself. "throw a parade! The moose is back. Screw all the doubters." But then I got to thinking... If you hit a home run against the 'stros, does the homer really count? Just like the age ole question of If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  I ask this question because I honestly don't know the answer. I mean the astros are not a real team. Some one just threw 25 guys on a roster and called them a team. The astros are like a team full of Mike Moustakas's. Absolute turds out on the diamond. So if you hit a home run against a fake team does it count? I see the Royals have it in their record books as a homer, but doesn't there need to be an asterisk or something? *Hit home run against fake team.

Who knows? The Royals suck by the way.

-PC

Fuck This Kid

The Royals just tweeted this dweeb. I'm 23 and I have been to 1 opening day. The sign might as well read "Hey PC. How's my ass taste?" Just shoving it right in my face and I can't do a damn thing about it. Should have worn gloves bud. Going to get mighty cold holding that sign up all day. HA got him!

I know kids like this. Too much of a dweeb and not athletic enough to actual play sports so they just become this huge Royals and Chiefs fan. Reads whatever is on the teams websites and tries to have a conversation with you and your friends about them. Comes in with something like "Alcides Escobar hits .270 in the two hole when facing lefties on day games so we should move him up in the order against Sale." No Dumb Fuck. Escobar sucks no matter where you put him. He bats .270 against lefties on day games in the two hole because he has played like 10 games with that criteria. In his other 1000 games he sucks idiot. Stop reading bullshit on Royals.com and shut your fucking face. So pissed I am not out there.

-PC

Thursday Redhead

Mara Roldan. 

Can't get enough of this Colombian fire. Might get into the drug game so I can get down to Medillen and take a run at her. 

-PC

Opening Day at the K

Really doesn't get much better than this. Opening day in Kansas City is like a 2nd St. Patty's Day. Just a total shit show out in the parking lot. You have every construction company in the city taking the day off and getting the tailgate started at 8:00 am. 40 year old men doing beer bongs before noon, people plowing in port a jons, and dudes pissing themselves. Basically Kansas City sports in a nutshell. Our teams suck. Let's get bombed. Wish I could be there joining the madness, but having a job is really preventing that. If only money wasn't an issue and I could just get bombed and watch sports all day like a really American. #thedream.

Since basically anything goes in the K parking lot I assume there wont be too many arrests, but you know that the two cops patrolling the entire lot are going to catch at least one public peeing. Poor guy. His entire tailgate has been opening the passenger door and peeing into an empty 30 rake of bud light all day and he happens to be the guy that bike cop brad catches and decides to make an example of. Sometimes life isn't fair.

-PC

P.S. Bike cop brad is a real douche. Used to be able to hang in the parking lot well into the 5th inning back when I was in high school. Didn't need to have someones cool step dad to let us have a party at his house. We had 81 parties a summer out at the K. Just a bunch of 17 year olds getting hammered off natty light and no one says a god damn thing. Now bike cop brad comes around at the end of the 1st and ruins everyone's fun. Makes them go inside like an ass. Let the teenagers drink in peace brad. No need to go on a power trip and do your job. Be a slacker like the rest of us.

I've decided to Start Dating a Professional Soccer Player

Apparently Kansas City has a professional  Women's Soccer team. FCKC or some shit. This team came into my work the other day to do some promoting for their home opener in a couple weeks. Most of them were total woofs, but there was about five or six total babes. Starting doing a little research of the roster and have narrowed it down to three girls that I could see myself possibly dating. Melissa Henderson, Merritt Mathais, and Nia Williams all fit my age and body requirements. So how do I make this happen? Believe it or not I have some friends that actually know some of these chicks. So I could possibly hang out with these babes and get to know them and eventually ask one of them out like a normal person. But that isn't the PC way. The PC way is to never see these girls again and eventually give up on his dream of dating a professional athlete. So I have decided to change the PC way. I am just going to tell everyone I know that I am dating one of these chicks. "Yeah I am dating one of those FCKC players. She is awesome!" - Me to Everyone. I mean at some point if you tell enough people that you are dating a professional soccer babe you kind of are right? Doesn't matter if she catches wind of this and says something like "No I've never heard of that guy. Sounds really creepy." There will still be people out there that think we are dating because I will still be telling them that we are dating and that's all that really matters. As long as a couple people still believe we are dating I can "break up" with this girl and I will be known as the guy the broke the heart of one of those soccer babes. You get a reputation like that and babes come a flocking. "Wait so a professional athlete wasn't even good enough for this guy?" -hot girls mind. "I am probably not good enough for him, but I should sleep with him just to make sure." BOOM! PC slaying babes because he fake dated a soccer player and then broke her heart. The NEW PC WAY.

I still haven't decided which one I am going to start telling people is my girlfriend, but I'll choose soon enough and let all you know. A plan like this can't not work.

-PC

So I Struck Out Again in Softball

Seriously think I have a problem. Swinging at anything and everything. Feel like the biggest chump in the world out there. So I struck out in my first AB last week. I don't think the ball ever even made it to the plate and I am still swinging at it. After that I was so terrified that it would happen again so I decided I wouldn't be swinging at anything unless I was sure it was over the plate. This strategy resulted in 3 straight walks for me. I think... I know I am more embarrassed about walking over striking out. I felt like the biggest piece of shit taking that base THREE times. No excuse. Went into my 5th and final AB knowing I had to get a hit. I hit a pop up to right field that on any other day would have been a foul ball, but luckily for me the wind was 40 mph and blew that sucker a foot fair. Double city. Felt great to get the monkey off my back, but not really because it wasn't a legit hit. Ill see if I can get things going next week.

-PC